Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hey good lookin'

You know, over the past couple of years, I've been hearing conservatives natter on endlessly about their obvious superiority over liberals. They're smarter. They have purer motives. They love their country more. They love kids and black people more.

Uh-huh. OK, guys, whatever you say.

But the topper comes from a TownHall writer named Mike S. Adams, who explains that not only are they smarter and and yadda yadda, but their women are better looking:
Just two days after learning that it was alright to talk about this issue, I was giving another speech in North Carolina. After the speech, my wife commented on the good looks of the young Republican women from UNC-Chapel Hill who were listening in the audience.

Of course, this is very good news. Since my wife is able to comment on the surplus of good-looking women in the GOP, that means I can, too. Of course, it also helps that she stopped reading my columns many months ago.

[She obviously has insider knowledge that gives her a leg up on the rest of us.]
The public discussion of this issue will help Republicans answer some important questions. For example: "Should we assume that being gay often causes one to be a Democrat? Isn't it more likely that the lack of exposure to attractive women causes Democrats to be gay?" And "Do Democratic women consider compliments in the workplace to be sexual harassment simply because they rarely hear them?"

But, of course, it isn't necessary at this time to explore the many intellectual questions that flow from the observation that our women are more attractive than theirs. Instead, we must immediately begin to exploit the issue for political gain. And the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute is doing just that by publishing a calendar featuring, among others, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, and Shemane Nugent.

Ah, yes -- be still my beating heart. These are indeed true visions of superior womanhood, so long as your taste runs towards soulless harpies for whom the word "crank" has multiple meanings. You know, women who will cut your heart out and feed it to the cat. And now that I think of it, most of the Republican women I've known have tended to be better manicured, though that doesn't necessarily mean they're better looking.

[For your own gander at the fine examples of Republican femininity Adams extolls, check out the folks who are selling that calendar.]

But just in case Mike has any questions about why gays and lesbians tend to vote Democratic, here's a tip: It's actually because the Republican Party is full of people with repugnant and grotesque misperceptions about what makes people gay. People like him.

And for that matter, it also has a lot to do with why people like me -- white, hetero, former Republicans -- are now Democrats too.

Because no amount of good looks can disguise a succubus. And the Republican Party is full of them -- both sexes.

No comments: