Saturday, May 21, 2011

It's Rapture Day! Get Ready For The Big Tribulation Shindig Afterward.

[Cross-posted at Crooks and Liars.]

I'll bet that you didn't know that one of the real advantages for women getting caught up in today's scheduled Rapture is that it makes your boobs perky. Very perky.

I have no idea what it will do for guys. But my guess is that Viagra won't be needed.

In the meantime, the rest of us damned-for-all-eternity schlubs are looking forward to the Tribulation, because it means we won't have to put up with smug Bible-thumping zombies any more. Woo hoo!

The thing is, Pastor Camping's prophecy is really rather grim:

"The whole universe is going to be destroyed by fire," said California preacher Harold Camping... and the whole world listened.

It's his second apocalyptic prophecy promising the end on May 21st. He got the doomsday date wrong in 1994. This time it seems more people are talking about it largely in part because he's spreading it online. His website sent out customized warnings in nearly every language.
This all reminds me of our old friends at the Church Universal and Triumphant, Elizabeth Clare Prophet's cult who made for some interesting journalistic work back in the 1980s and '90s in Montana:
Primarily due to its doomsday predictions and attempts to establish a self-sufficient community on its 32,000 acre ranch in Montana, the Church Universal and Triumphant has come into considerable conflict with local residents and federal officials alike. The church was propelled into the national spotlight when Prophet predicted a massive Soviet missile strike on the United States for April 23, 1990. She now states that this date did not mean nuclear holocaust, but rather marked the beginning of a 12 year cycle of negative karma for the organization. Nevertheless, members from around the world streamed to the group's ranch, paying up to $12,000 each for space in one of the underground bomb shelters built by staff members. The state of Montana has since banned the church from ever using the shelters again.
My recollection was that when the date came and went, Prophet declared that the cult's fervent prayers had convinced the Lord to spare the Earth for now -- so they saved the world and then went home.

I rather expect we'll hear something like that on Sunday, too.

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